» Thursday, September 28, 2006

Good morning. I was awoken by a squirrel jumping on my head.

No, it's true. On my head. A squirrel.

It squeezed itself through a gap in the window, jumped on the back of my head, ran around the foot of the bed, ran around the floor, and crawled back out the window.

You'll all be happy to know that after it left and I stared out the window like an idiot, the first thing I actually said was, "Squirrel, what?"

» Thursday, September 07, 2006

Three Superlative Questions by Gwen, Three Characteristically Overlong Answers by Me:

1. If you could live in the universe of any book you've read, which would you choose?

Easy. The Handmaid's Tale; I look excellent in red and find free will burdensome.

I jest. Really, this one took me a few minutes. I cycled through a number of choices - first I considered the world of Harry Potter for its whimsical proper nouns and unique candies. The thing about Harry Potter's universe, despite all the wands and pumpkin juice and secretly large tents, is the impending wizard holocaust. It doesn't matter who wins - that is going to be one nasty mess, and I'm not looking to trade Bush for Voldemort. It's dangerous and disturbingly redundant.

Next, I considered the universe of Daddy-Long-Legs, a world of quaint attractive orphans, sisterly camaraderie, dashing handsome friends' uncles, and charming small hats. How I would love to eat maple syrup and hotcakes with my college chums, take long walks with them in our mid-calf-length "short skirts," carrying whacking sticks and engaging in bawdy talk of suitors, handsome friends' uncles, and having handsome friends' uncles as suitors. Then I remembered that 1912 had not yet seen the success of the women's suffrage movement. I have enough trouble dealing with the state of gender equality - or rather, the lack thereof - in 2006. I fear that a world where the senate couldn't quite decide about women having brains in their pretty little heads would send me into a fury, and I'd use my whacking stick in altogether too literal a manner. Though I'd make a feisty suffragette in my charming small hat, this one's out.

Finally, I decided on the universe in Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. I am mesmerized by the fleeting familiarity of the foreign worlds, the landscapes, the loyalties, and bears in armor. I'll be honest, though. Mostly it comes down to the daemons. Say I have a soul inside all you want; I want mine to be a tiny fuzzy corporeal leopard, and I want to hold it all the time.

2. What do you like best about living in New York?

Availability - of movies before they get to the rest of the country, and movies that won't ever get to the rest of the country - of incredible food, knowing that there isn't just one Ethipioan restaurant here, there are so many that I have a first and second favorite - of major and minor music shows, every music act I can think of will get here eventually - of trees, if I need them. This is a place where you can see anything you want to see, do anything you can think to do.

Mostly, it's the food.

3. What's up with the sad state of women in comedy? Should we start an all (or mostly all) girl sketch troupe and take the world by storm or what?

What's up with the sad state of women in the media, period? It's a real punch in the gut when you consider how many more substantial opportunities a well-respected female actor had in 1985. Aren't we supposed to be getting better at this?

Comedy has never welcomed women. A conservative halfwit named Warren Bell wrote on National Review Online: "The funniest woman of all time in any aspect of [show]business probably doesn't crack the top ten of all-time funniest people." I believe it was John Belushi who claimed that women can't be funny - a sentiment echoed by a happily married, educated coworker when I first began working here. He has grudgingly admitted since then (and since knowing me - ha) that possibly, maybe, he was wrong.

Seriously, what? If you're like me - and you are - the women you know personally are hilarious. Not hilarious for girls - just plain fucking funny. Look at SNL, even; Sure, it's gone drastically, tragically downhill. But the strongest links, the ones who still make me laugh out loud, are all women. The first all-female SNL news team is arguably the best in the history of the show.

So yeah. It's a bunch of crap, what's going on. We really *should* have an all- or mostly-girl troupe and kick so much ass that the world can't deny us. I am willing to reconsider my visit to 1912 for that whacking stick if necessary.