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» Sunday, May 07, 2006
An American Haunting was 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back. That doesn't quell my indignation toward the man who not only neglected to turn off his phone during the movie, but took a call. TOOK A CALL. During the movie. Not in the hall. In the theater. I'd say he was raised by wolves, but no wolf would teach her young to have such cheek. Or how to use a cell phone.
» Tuesday, May 02, 2006
In response to my stifling writer's block, Lauren kindly offers motivation. Thus, once again, Three Awesome Questions by Lauren, Three Answers by Me: 1. If you were a Goonie... which one would you be and why? (You may not choose Chester Copperpot or any of the Fratelli gang. Goonies only.) It's good that you specified, because my answer surely would have been One-Eyed Willy (due to my piracy and ocular handicaps) or Sloth (for obvious reasons). Confined to the Goonies themselves, I ask you this - are not each of us all of the Goonies in different proportions? Who among us is not hopeful and exuberant and slightly asthmatic? Deep down, aren't we all fat and Jewish? Show me one man who doesn't prance around helplessly in a letter sweater and tennis skirt! Okay. I guess the answer is Mouth, on account of my boundless sensitivity and restraint. On that note, world, you look kind of pretty when your face isn't screwing it up. 2. Do you still respect me even though I don't watch 24 or Veronica Mars but am obsessed with a show about crab fishermen? Frankly, I'm envious that you don't watch 24 - it frequently manipulates me into vicious enthusiasm for things I vehemently reject in the real world (torture, guns, sullen tech experts, etc.), and it's responsible for at least six of the eight heart attacks I've suffered since January. I deeply wish you would watch Veronica Mars, both because the ratings are low and I may die if it's not picked up for a third season, and because your happiness is paramount. Veronica Mars would make you happy. Veronica Mars can cure leprosy. Veronica Mars can bring dead birds back to life. And really, I love you for watching a show about crab fishermen, even though they are killing our soft-belly brethren. 3. You and I find a scratch ticket worth 5k. We decide that, since you spotted it but I picked it up, we should share our winnings equally and use it for something we can do together. I suggest a trip somewhere exotic, first class. What should we do with the money? Well, it's not outrageously exotic, but I have this strange, sad feeling I'm never going to go to Hawaii. I sense it will end up discarded from every would-be vacation plan I'll ever make when I'm married off and saddled with child. I think you and I could have a fine time with beaches and massages, food and excessively costly hotel rooms. |
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