Are you morally troublesome? Well, I'm not, but I've written you a story to help you feel at home.

Once upon a time, there was a vindictive little princess who lived happily ever after.

THE END

The morals of the story are: when life hands you lemons, squeeze them for juice to rub in the wounds of your enemies.

and

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» Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I worked in the mailroom during college, reading people's postcards and delivering mail. It was fine, as far as work-study goes. I had a lot of alone time. It paid for my Newbury Comics habit (for those unfamiliar with Boston shopping, that's cds, not comic books). It paid the occasional $400 phone bill. We who are spendy must work.

On slow days, I would leave cryptic notes in my best friend's mailbox. I would scribble on scraps of paper against the cinder block wall, slip them into the box and run away giggling. I was charmed to learn, yesterday, that Gail still has all but one of those notes.

The thing is - they're not so funny, objectively, yet she and I both laughed ourselves silly reading them. Maybe it was the memory of feeling young and loose, weird and unrestrained. Our friendship was not one of affectations or propriety. We had a habit of mimicking the sounds we heard in public, in fact: sirens and bird calls and what have you. I realize strangers may have thought us a little retarded, in retrospect, but we didn't care. We were bold and clever.

I like us plenty now, but I miss the us we were.

I wish the bulk of my early emails from Gail were not locked within the digital corridors of my ancient Performa, because they're hysterical. I can only offer what she read me yesterday, the mailbox notes I left so gleefully behind ten years ago. Our favorites:

I admit that I like you Extremely! And you can even tell people!

and

Oh, once upon a time, the most beauteous girl in the world, Schmail, received a rose from her fairy godpumpkin, Crooke, and all was well. Then, they beat up the space bunny.

and

Once upon a time, there was a special girl. She was real, REAL, special. In fact, she was so special, they developed a whole curriculum in school for special people like her.

and

Gail is a pineapple head! Gail is a pineapple head!

 
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