» Thursday, September 30, 2004

They say boys are cads -- well, it's true.
But that's not why they're so bad for you.
In fact, they're so charming their charm is disarming.
I now have one arm 'stead of two.

» Tuesday, September 21, 2004

five whole questions by Mo, five answers by me!

1. What was your favorite toy when you were a child? Do you still have it?

You've seen my pack-rattage in action -- I inherited it from my mom. An acquaintance of hers once said to my mother, rather rudely in my opinion, that keeping her children's things in boxes in the basement indicates trouble letting go of the past. My mother answered, "No, keeping my children in boxes in the basement would be trouble letting go of the past." Go mom.

So I still have Colorful or Lips the Llama, a little two-foot plastic rocking horse with a nauseating pattern of multicolored splotches all over him. He looked like Rainbow Brite vomited all over him, but I loved him. Deep down I knew for sure he was a horse, but I wanted to cover my bases. I wrote a poem about him in June!

2. Do you still hope to move back to Boston, or are you settling into Baltimore?

Well, I was never positive I wanted to go back to Boston. I was always leaning a little more toward New York, though I'll admit to frequent, crippling homesickness. Just the thought of... like... driving through Watertown Square makes it hard to swallow. I miss the Trident on Newbury. I miss Wilson Farm in Lexington. So right this very second, yes, I want to move back to Boston. But generally, I waver between staying here for a while and moving north, and I honestly don't know if north would mean Boston or New York. I like my friends here, I miss my friends there. Like I've said many times before, I'm not really a planner. I go for opportunities as I see them, and I tend to find out what I'm doing when I start doing it.

I know I'll be re-applying to schools this year, cause damn, if I got wait-listed at Emerson, there's got to be at least a chance I could get into a slightly bigger, less competitive program. And I think I'll have to be a little less picky about location this time.

3. If you won a million dollars but you weren't allowed to keep any for yourself, what would you spend it on? How about if you won $100?

That's a good question. I feel like I should say I'd give it all to charity, but that's not true. I'd want to reward the emotional generosity of the people I love. I don't know all that many people with the means to be financially generous, and I think those who are do not wish to be repaid. But I know a great many people who give and give in other ways, and I would like to make a little wish come true for each of them. It shocks me that a million dollars doesn't go all that far in this day and age, but surely I could get ten people each something really cool. And whatever's left over, I'd give to the Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence.

4. What is your favorite childhood memory?

The day I was adopted. It was my 9th birthday, I wore a lavender dress, and my dad got me a corsage. Also, my brother called the judge "Your Royal Heiney." Not to his face, but still.

5. Pick someone that you'd like to reward for being a fabulous friend/family member/role model/rock star. How would you reward them?

My mom is the only person who falls into each of those categories. I couldn't even begin to know how to reward her. Someday, I'll have a baby and move close enough to her that she can come over every day. There you go.

» Monday, September 13, 2004

I spent a horrifying amount of money on a good school, read every book I could get my mitts on and climbed the rungs of an intellectually respectable career exactly so I could answer the phone calls of web-tarded elderly Republicans who don't remember their zip codes but still feel obligated to spell words for me like "stone," "fence," and "lane."

I'm smarter than their grandchildren.

Don't listen to THEM. The economy still sucks.

» Thursday, September 02, 2004

How can we really know each other if all we ever show is the best-of compilation of our quirks? Let's open up a little, you and me. Shake off some of the varnish. Keep it, as the kids say, real.

Here, I'll start.

• My current favorite show is Degrassi on the N. I watch it every weeknight at 10 and 10:30 because deep down I am a twelve year old girl.
• I sing along to Ashlee Simpson when her song plays on the car radio and I know all the words.
• When I was nine, I would approach my sleeping dog, making grim faces and spooky noises two inches away from his nose. I would then "wake him up" and tell him it had all been a nightmare. And comfort him. Issues.
• I was genuinely excited when Cosmo Girl magazine said legwarmers were back in style.
• I was reading Cosmo girl.
• In my defense, I wore legwarmers to a Violent Femmes concert in 1997 before they were cool again. Two goth teenagers squealed over them in suspiciously bubblegum voices. Maybe the resurgence was my fault. You can thank me later.
• I saw the Britney Spears movie in the theater. It was only kind of ironic.
• In my defense, I did not see the Olsen twins' movie.
• I thought about seeing the Olsen twins' movie.
• I didn't really get The Matrix.
• I don't think riding a bike is "like riding a bike."
• I once sat next to a girl on a train, all the way from Boston to Baltimore, and made up every single detail of my "life" to alleviate my boredom. She asked me when my birthday is, so I picked one out of the air. I swear this is true: "Oh, my God!" she said, "That's my birthday too!" It was. She showed me her license. I didn't show her anything to disprove my claim. I didn't have a license. You know, because... I'm completely blind in one eye. Just don't ask me which.

That wasn't so bad! Now it's your turn. Tell me your secrets.