» Wednesday, November 26, 2003

I apologize for my excessive rhymestrousness these past couple days. I blame the television. It's a reasonable response to the constant bombardment of horrific Cat-Hatting images -- I could withdraw, or turn to violence, but I see commercials for Linda Richman's coffee-talk affront to children's literature, and I can't think to do anything but reclaim verse for the triumph of good over evil.

I haven't completely ruled out violence, though. Seriously. Are none of my childhood memories sacred? I tell you right now, if they ever lay a big-budget HAND on "The Great Space Coaster," there is going to be hell to pay.

Pretty unlikely.

» Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Another poem, for Lauren, who had a bad day.

Do you ever get an insult unwarranted?
On the train today, my good friend Lauren did.
She met a bad egg who said something uncalled for!
(She won't tell me what, but it truly appalled her.)

His heart is in need of a checkup!
Society has gone to the pups,
And his foul mouth has rabies,
(someone think of the BABIES!)
Oh, that rotten man had better shape up!!

or I'll find him and give him a knuckle sandwich.

» Monday, November 24, 2003

The baby jesus is wont to cry,
And more to the point, so am I.
The fraudulent rats use my credit card number --
Those bastard web pirates, they rape and they plunder!
They buy their web porn with my scant "hard-earned" dollars,
Those thieving no-goodniks in S&M collars!
I'll have them for breakfast! Their guts will be garters!
I won't let them wheedle, nor beg, bribe or barter!

The baby jesus and I are laden with scorn
For those unholy, low scoundrels who robbed me for porn!

» Monday, November 17, 2003

This poor little fairy took a wolf's advice on a shortcut to Kirk and Mo's party and ended up lost in the forest!

» Sunday, November 16, 2003

"Ryan, why do I think I'm hilarious and you think I'm STUPID??"

"You wouldn't understand."

Best... person... EVER.

» Thursday, November 06, 2003

This is my sweet giraffe friend, who lives at the Yankee Candle Company, hanging agreeably from a plastic tree branch. I think I'll call him Waxwell.

» Wednesday, November 05, 2003

So, I was in Amherst this past weekend (from Saturday through Monday) to see Dan and Ryan. Something about that town makes me feel all at-homey, even though I suppose it should be tainted to me. But it's not. It is simply the home of the crunchiest leaves and the best pizza and the sweetest air and the closest proximity to a CREEPY CREEPY CANDLE FACTORY. (Or should I say OLFACTORY?! And it has ANIMATRONIC THINGS. Not naming any names... YANKEE.)

And I love Amherst dearly, but it pales against my love for my friends. Ryan and Dan are two of the finest people a body could hope to know. They are so warm and familiar, and I have fun with them no matter what we do. I like to sit around debating pointlessly, and I like to sit around debating pointfully, and I like to just sit around, with those boys. And even CREEPY CREEPY CANDLE FACTORIES are fun with them.

Okay, I'll be honest. The candle things were creepy, but also oddly charming. Though my sense of smell is damaged permanently.

» Tuesday, November 04, 2003

The Continuing Trial of The World vs. The End of the World

Your Honor, with the court's permission, at this time the defense would like to introduce the following into evidence:

On Friday in Brooklyn, Ranjit and I walked over to the Park Slope Halloween Parade. We passed a small band of costumed youngsters and overheard among them a disenchanted little witch (Or ballerina. Or tin can. I didn't get a close look.). "This is stupid. Are we just gonna, like, ring every doorbell and ask for candy? Someone's just going to come out with a knife or something. Lame."

Oh, woe. I believe you will agree when I say it suggests this girl has never been trick-or-treating. My midwestern upbringing yowls, like an October banshee, in protest.