Are you morally troublesome? Well, I'm not, but I've written you a story to help you feel at home.

Once upon a time, there was a vindictive little princess who lived happily ever after.

THE END

The morals of the story are: when life hands you lemons, squeeze them for juice to rub in the wounds of your enemies.

and

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» Thursday, July 17, 2003

This is dedicated to Jess, who will laugh at me.

Anyone who's been in my house (or read my journal) knows I'm a filthy, filthy slob. I don't really understand the value of the clothes hanger, and I think bookshelves are very pretty but so far away.

I also have a particular quirk of buying things and leaving them in the bag. Say it's a new shirt --it's not like I'm going to hang it up, and why throw it on the pile? So it stays safe in its bag until I'm ready for it.

Now combine that with an unholy mess, and occasionally, the new things go missing in action. "Woe is me," I think, if I actually manage to remember I *had* a new thing at all. Which I usually don't.

And that, my tragical memory, is what makes my bad habits such a blessing. I've been rotten poor this month, with a hunger for shopping and no way to feed it. This morning, while collecting laundry from the piles of clothes and empty bags that have collected in the two months since I last threw some out, I picked up a shopping bag that was not empty. "Hello," I said. "What's this?"

A new shirt, tags still on, and a lovely one at that. Like shopping on my own bedroom floor. My filth and forgetfulness got together behind my back and went in on a perfect birthday present. Thanks, guys.

» Wednesday, July 16, 2003

This morning, Bud showed me a website mocking baby-naming message boards. I read it with growing horror, trying to steel my soul against the truth of our world: We are on the dawn of a new era, led by more Ansleighs, Karsyns, and Makynzis than you could hope to shake a stick at. Or should hope. Don't shake sticks, just run for your lives.

I read it all, heart breaking, and was finally moved to make art.

A haiku:

Poor Sharmonica,
your mother is the devil.
Kill her in her sleep.

» Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Me to Ryan, in 7-11:

"My last chance just blew away in the wind, and I want this cherry pie now."

» Wednesday, July 02, 2003

At my wise and wizened age, I can already tell you that life will be a limping, constant country song of heartbreaker, heartbroken, heartbreaker, heartbroken, heart failure. If it were my birthday, I'd blow out my candles and wish for inner peace. As it is, I'll simply take some Advil and get on with my day.

It's really hot out.

 
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