Are you morally troublesome? Well, I'm not, but I've written you a story to help you feel at home.

Once upon a time, there was a vindictive little princess who lived happily ever after.

THE END

The morals of the story are: when life hands you lemons, squeeze them for juice to rub in the wounds of your enemies.

and

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» Wednesday, November 28, 2001

Let this be a righteous paean to Kirk Israel, a tragically misnomered gentile whose dedication to his web audience is steadfast in both rain and shine. He's more reliable than the goddamned postal service.

Consider July 19, 1969 -- Ted Kennedy drove Mary Jo Kopechne off the bridge in Chappaquiddick, landing squarely on Kirk Israel's head. Despite being both badly injured and not yet born, on that day Kirk turned out one of his most relevant and historically significant editorials to date.

And let's not forget the The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 -- not only did Kirk himself start the fire, but his coverage of the ensuing terror and destruction was the most compelling and memorable material published by the media at the time.

I urge you all to remember the enduring greatness of Kirk Israel and his inspiring work, and let him be a beacon to you in your times of need. He's as solid as a rock, as driving as the rain, and possibly the most inspirational figure in the history of American media. God bless America, and God bless Kirk.

 

Also, please don't let him hurt me when he reads this.

 
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